Q: Social Security is so darn unfair. I am a widow who worked all of my life at a low-paying job. My own Social Security is so low that I was forced to take widow's benefits on my husband's record instead. I get about $1,200 per month. But I just met this woman at church who was bragging in such an uppity way that she gets $2,000 per month in Social Security widow's benefits. And she said she never worked a day in her life! How can this be fair?

A: Mom? Is that you?

Well, actually that can't be a letter from my mother because she passed away several years ago. But sadly, she went to her grave complaining just as bitterly as the woman who sent this question.

The short and maybe not too tactful answer is: You married the wrong man — from a Social Security perspective! For example, my mom was married to a janitor, my dad, and he made janitor's wages. That translated into a rather low Social Security benefit and eventually, a rather low widow's benefit for my mother.

For many of her later years, my mother carried a grudge for a nice lady who lived down the street. That nice lady was married to the president of our local bank. So he made a banker's salary that translated into a very comfortable Social Security benefit, and eventually, an equally comfortable widow's benefit for our neighbor.

In other words, that lady you met at church just had the good fortune to be married to a man who must have made a pretty good living, because $2,000 per month is a relatively high Social Security widow's benefit.

Perhaps you begrudge the fact that you had to work all your life and your friend at church did not. I know this certainly irked my mother. In fact, she used to complain that she should get her own Social Security retirement benefit AND a full widow's benefit on top of that. (The law says if you are due two Social Security benefits, you don't get them both. You get only the benefit that pays the higher rate.)

Many might think my mother made a valid point. Why shouldn't she get her own Social Security benefit and a full widow's benefit? She was a retiree AND a widow, after all. But, of course, if we changed the law for my mom and the person who sent this letter, we would have to change the law for everyone.

Because any married person is potentially due two Social Security benefits, the Social Security Administration would have to pay everyone their own Social Security benefit and a spousal benefit. And if you think the system is facing a long-range funding crisis now, just watch what would happen if the government started paying out all those extra Social Security benefits?

Q: I am a 66-year-old widow who also worked. I made pretty good money and am scheduled to get about $1,700 per month in Social Security retirement benefits. But my husband made even better money than I did. Had he lived, his Social Security benefit would have been $2,100 per month. When I talked to the folks at the local Social Security office they said I would get a widow's benefit because it paid me more money. So what happens to all the money I paid into Social Security?

A: I purposely put your question after the one from the disgruntled widow because it gives me a chance to clarify part of that answer.

I said if you are due two benefits, you don't get them both. You get whichever benefit pays you the higher rate.

But, to be totally clear, I should explain that SSA usually pays your own benefit first and then supplements that benefit with any extra money you might be due on a spouse's record. In effect, you end up with an amount equal to the higher spousal benefit.

So, in your case, they will give you $1,700 per month in retirement benefits and then add on another $400 in widow's benefits to take you up to the $2,100 level. Technically, you are getting money from accounts. But it is really transparent to you because you are going to get one check for $2,100.

Then, if you are like my mother, you might ask: Do you mean if I never had worked a day in my life, I would get the same Social Security benefit, the widow's rate, as I am getting now? And the answer is yes.

But, as I told my mom, at least the job you had got you out of the house and away from your snotty little kids!

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