You can feel it in your bones, can't you? That strangely familiar feeling wafting through the cubicle corridors whispering, "you're about to be fired."
One doesn't need to consult an Oracle database to know when a firing is imminent. The same DNA that warned our ancestors when a Tyrannosaurus was around the bend also triggers our modern nervous systems when a Terminationasurus is in the hood.
The question, then, is how do you keep an active job search going under the noses of your supervisors — they also have an instinctual ability to sniff out those disloyal employees who have the nerve to work on their resumes while waiting for their pink slips.
If you don't have an answer, then send your bread-and-butter notes to Marci Alboher of The New York Times, who researched the issue for us.
"Prepare for your next move long before it becomes urgent," Alboher reports, citing the expertise of Belinda Plutz, founder of Manhattan's Career Mentors Inc. "That way, when you start looking for a job, you won't look like you suddenly ramped up the networking."
Plutz is no putz when it comes to career development, but her advice about being vague in networking might not apply to you — someone who is so anti-social in the office that even saying "hello" at the coffee urn will send tremors around the workplace.
"She actually talked to me!" the gossiping Gerdies will chatter. "She's definitely looking for a new job."
Fortunately, our wired world offers the shy job-seeker opportunities to come out of their shells without coming out of their office. "Creating a presence on social networking sites like LinkedIn shouldn't necessarily give people the idea you are looking for a search since you should be doing that all the time," says Ms. Plutz.
True that! But you still have to be careful about the information you allow to be seen on LinkedIn. To see how to gently hint at your availability, take a page from my profile, under the "Interests" tab:
"Collecting bottle caps, watching "Gossip Girl," desperately, frantically searching for a new job, any job, even if it pays 20 percent or 30 percent less, decoupage and tatting."
Another semi-excellent tip from Alboher's column concerns tipping your hand by tipping your hat.
"You may also invite suspicion if you start dressing better than usual," she reports, before turning again to Ms.
More excellent advice. Remember the fuss everyone made when you came into work and you weren't wearing your bathrobe and bunny slippers?
If you are going to change your work wardrobe, do it all in one swoop. Don't go from locker room casual to Nordstrom Rack to Ralph Lauren Purple Label as you rise up the interview organization chart at your new employer. Better to just show up in full formal attire — a tuxedo for men and a prom dress for ladies. Or vice versa, depending on your potential employer.
This way, management will think you're looking for a spouse. Or, they'll conclude you've gone completely bonkers and immediately offer you an executive position.
Another question addressed in the "Career Couch" column is whether or not you should tell your manager if networking and fancy finery has brought you in proximity to a new job. Some poor deluded souls apparently think that their relationship with their supervisor is so close that the subject can be discussed freely, like you do when addressing other high-level issues — whether Kate will end up with Jack or Sawyer on "Lost."
According to the experts, this is a no-no.
"Keep in mind that your boss might start to recruit for your replacement," points out Ben Dattner, an adjunct professor of organizational behavior at New York University. "That may make you vulnerable and uncomfortable."
"Vulnerable and uncomfortable?" Hey, that would be big improvement compared to what you feel now: terrorized and invisible.
In the end, the experts advise that when you finally do find a new job, don't use it as employment jujitsu to receive a raise. Your managers may give you money, but they'll never again provide you with their trust. On the other hand, a big fat raise could ice the runners for another year or two of coasting. And those bunny slippers are awfully cozy.
Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@funnybusiness.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.
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