Bad news, fellow worker-bees. Global warming may be raising temperatures at company branches in the North and South Pole, but back in here in headquarters, we're freezing our buns off. Summer is here, and the air conditioners have been cranked up to “kill,” leaving many of us about as productive as a Popsicle.

Yes, it's true. The colder you get, the less you accomplish. An extremely scientific study by Alan Hedge, an ergonomics professor at Cornell University, has determined that the number of keystrokes produced by a number of laboratory-rat workers at 68 degrees increased by 100 percent when the temperature was raised to 85 degrees. Let's hope your management doesn't hear about this study, or the temp. in your office will immediately go from chill to bake to broil.

The colder workers also made more mistakes, the Dr. Strangelove of ergonomics discovered. This is understandable. It's definitely difficult hitting the right keys on your keyboard when you're wearing mittens.

I learned about Hedge's breakthrough work in a recent “Career Couch” column by Phyllis Korkki in The New York Times. According to Korkki, there are a multitude of reasons why our workplace summer of love quickly becomes a summer of complaining.

“The problem in the way people experience temperature depends on a range of factors” Korkki reports, “including body type, clothing, activity level and proximity to other people and to vents, computers, and windows as well as individual preferences and expectations.”

The part about “activity level” is especially poignant, since our principle goal in the workplace is to experience as little activity as possible. Some of us have even started to study meditation and mind control to learn the ancient secrets of “sitting quietly,” leaving our minds vacant for enlightenment, or for happy hour at the Kit Kat Klub, whichever comes first.

Another key factor in how we experience cold is less philosophy and more physiology.

“The muscles of the body generate about a third of its heat,” Hedge explains, “and women tend to have less muscle mass than men.” Hey, the professor said it, not me. If you women are going to prove this theory wrong by beating someone to a pulp, Cornell is that way!

Not all of the explanations for our long, cold summer make as much sense as a lack of activity or our miniscule musculature. Another professor, Gail S. Brager, of the architecture department at the University of California, Berkeley, suggests that our summer of suffering stems from a “lack of control.”

“Think about how much more control you have over your comfort at home,” opines Brager. “You can open windows, turn on fans, heaters or air-conditioners, change clothes or move to a different room. At most offices, you lose that control. Someone else is pushing the button.”

Brager is right about losing control, but she is dead wrong if she thinks that it affects our behavior. At this point, we're so used to having no control over our lives — a simple management decision to turn our workplace into a meat locker is hardly a matter we'd dispute, or even notice. I don't know about where you work, but I haven't pushed a button in years. Come to think of it, last time I did push a button, two HR drones and an IT nerd burst into my cube and took my button away.

The clothing you wear — or don't wear — also makes a difference. Remember Hedge, the keystroke king? He also reports that your ankles are particularly vulnerable to cold. For those of us who have put on adequate adipose to turn our ankles into “cankles,” the problem is even more severe.

For this exact reason, some of you may consider bringing a blanket to work, which you could drape over your shoulders, letting the warm wool dangle over your well-chilled legs, frozen ankles and icy feet. Comfy as this may sound, career-wise, it's better to freeze. There's something about sitting in the conference room looking like Whistler's mother that may suggest to management that you are not the dynamic, energetic, go-getter they will want around next winter. And let's face it; nothing is more chilling than the idea of unemployment.

Why not suggest your company turns off the air conditioner and replaces your Aeron chair with a block of ice? That will keep your best feature nice and cool, and when happy hour comes around, you'll have plenty of ice.

Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@funnybusiness.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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