When my mother invited me to go on a cruise, I winced. Normally, I'd jump at the chance to travel, but cruising, as it's been said, is for "the newly wed, and the nearly dead." I don't fall into either category.

So where does the ship dock? What are the destinations? I asked her, anticipating adventures at exotic ports of call.

"Nowhere," my mom said. "It's a 'crossing' on the Queen Mary 2, and it just goes from point A to point B, nonstop, London to New York."

"A crossing?"

"It's like the way my parents came to America from Europe, landing in New York."

Oh great, I thought, we'd be reliving the refugee experience. Bon voyage, exotic locales!

Still, the trip was my birthday present, meaning free, so I accepted.

The embarkation point was not in London, per se, but two hours' drive away, in Southampton. The ship was so enormous that all the other boats in the harbor looked like phytoplankton. It was hard not to feel excited, staring up at it. After two days, I realized that I could get used to this life. I spent much of the time sampling wine, massages and yoga classes.

Many of the newlywed, it turned out, were no longer new, having already had two or three kids, and were now on family vacations; and the "nearly dead" were up until 2 a.m., drinking and dancing at the ship's ballrooms and discos.

I made good use of the pools, fitness center, spa, and the only planetarium at sea, where I would stargaze indoors before taking in the stars outside on the veranda. But for me, the highlight of the cruise was an opportunity to study acting on board, with one of the most prestigious acting academies in the world. The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London is the famous school that counts among its graduates: Peter O'Toole, Judy Dench, Anthony Hopkins, Kenneth Branagh and Ralph Fiennes.

I had been a child actor, working in films and television, and always had a penchant for the dramatic. But I gave it up to go to the university and become a writer. In between, as an English major at UCLA, I spent hours in the library watching BBC tapes of the Brits speak the speech of the Bard like only they know how. For me, that thespian fire that went out long ago was now relit.

Here I was standing in a huge blue and gold velvet-curtained ballroom, with two enormous crystal chandeliers overhead, and an imposing framed portrait of Queen Elizabeth in her finery glaring down. The acting students, teens through 80's, and RADA instructors wore t-shirts and jeans. Soon I was hurling Elizabethan insults with a heavy British accent, delivering lines of an obscure man-beast character from Shakespeare's "The Tempest," and improvising scenes as a snooty grande dame at an imagined Captain's Ball.

The RADA staff handed us each a "Shakespeare Insult Kit," and directed us to read at each other: "Thou beslubbering, beef-witted barnacle!" "Thou craven, common-kissing canker-blossom!" Thou loggerheaded, half-faced hedge-pig!" "Thou mammering, hedge-born hugger-mugger!" We were all hysterically laughing while trying to stay in an acting mode with a straight face.

The RADA instructors taught us about character development, voice and breath for the stage, creating a unique movement "signature," and other fundamentals of the art and craft of acting. In one exercise, we bent over, slapped our knees and said, "Hee haw! Howdy partner!" Some of the British "actors" had trouble with the Texas drawl, sounding more like characters from "Prime Suspect."

As warm-up voice and breathing exercises, we were told to pretend to "chew very thick toffee," to "scrunch the face, massage the face, don't be afraid to smudge the mascara a bit, Ladies." We also learned how to enunciate: "waa, waa, waa, maa, maa, maa, moo, moo, moo," repeating after the instructors. Instructors Sam and Irini taught us to be "spatially aware," and to "walk with a purpose," as they demonstrated the importance of developing a "unique movement signature."

Irini showed how variations of characterization are possible with even a single, subtle adjustment. "What kind of character would you be if you glided rather than pushed or pressed? Try gliding through the air as you move forward through the space. See what happens to you."

The workshops progressed, and became more difficult throughout the week. We improvised new characters, many unearthing acting ability that they said they didn't know was there.

Mary Hunter Doncaster, a 16-year-old aspiring actress from England, hoped to be admitted into RADA off the ship one day. White-haired Vivien Ungoed Davies, had no intention at all of continuing her acting. But, as she said, "I can't wait to tell my friends that I studied with the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art!" She even had a Certificate of Completion to show for it. Anthony Durkin, a barrister from Australia sporting flaming red hair and goatee, had "acted as a lad." The workshops, he said, were "a bit of nostalgia."

Sam, one of the instructors, said in an interview that he finds it takes less effort for Americans to "jump right into the exercises. It takes less time for them to remove the layers. They are so inspired, so energized; maybe they are less concerned with appearing silly."

In our last workshop, brushing up on Shakespeare, I played Caliban from the Tempest, "entering with a burden of wood and a noise of thunder heard." It didn't hurt my ego when I was asked by some other students if I am a professional actress. Maybe I still had the chops. But for sure, this was an amazing opportunity for all of us. RADA does not offer acting classes anywhere outside of its school in London, and on this ship. And it's all included in the cost of the cruise.

When the RADA staff weren't teaching, they were on stage in the ship's Royal Court Theatre, performing classics - "Richard III," "Great Expectations" — in condensed form, and reciting Shakespeare's love sonnets to thunderous applause. I had virtually forgotten I was on a cruise.

Of course, for those who like more standard cruise fare, the Queen Mary 2 has it all: nonstop dining and drinking, late-night casinos, movies, dance lessons, lectures, shopping, art auctions, recreation rooms, even a childcare center and playground supervised by professional English nannies. If it is your dog, not your kid, that needs looking after, the Queen Mary 2 also offers kennel accommodations.

Docked in New York City, I turned to my mother. "Methinks cruising can be rollicking good fun," I said.

IF YOU GO

The Queen Mary 2 does stop at various ports on other cruises. For more information on itineraries, please go to: www.cunard.com. For information on the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, go to: www.rada.org.

Erica Zeitlin is a freelance travel writer. To read more Travel and Adventure stories and features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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