Can you recall when "home" stopped referring to where your parents live and started applying to where you live? If you're like a lot of people, it didn't happen overnight. The idea of home was tied, at least in part, to your sense of independence - both financial and emotional. It's a gradual process. And no matter how old you are, it's always a comfort to know that "home" isn't too far away if you need it.

This has never been truer for young people today who are flocking back to the nest in greater numbers. In fact, by some accounts, more than half of 20-somethings live with their parents or guardians at some point; it has practically become a part of the passage into adulthood. And it makes sense.

The economy is on shaky ground and the price of basic necessities like food and gas are on the rise. In many metropolitan areas, the cost of rent is also increasing. For recent grads and other young adults, moving home for a while can be a ray of sunshine in a gloomy economy and a great step toward financial independence. For parents, it can be a great way to cement your relationship with your young adult, while providing them some real-world money skills.

While moving home for a period has its pluses, it also has some elements you should watch out for. A friend recently explained an embarrassing situation when her 22-year-old daughter moved home for a few months after college. The two were out shopping together and my friend helped her daughter pick out a nice dress. They were having a lovely time, but when they arrived at the cash register, each of them waited expectantly for the other to open her purse and pay - awkwardly enough, they had never discussed how money fit into their new arrangement. Her story highlighted the importance of talking things through before they become a problem.

Open and clear communication is the best way to avoid unnecessary difficulties in any relationship. My financial advice to many couples is to decide what's "yours, mine and ours" because it sets up boundaries and expectations that can prevent misunderstandings down the road. Likewise, my advice to parents of homeward-bound 20-somethings is to talk and establish guidelines that will help them on the road to independence.

Certainly every family is different and there are no hard-and-fast rules, but here are some questions every family should address:

- Who pays for what?

Do you think your child should be paying rent or contributing to the household finances in some other way? Besides rent, there is also food, cell phone bills, car payments and insurance, health insurance and clothes. You may even ask them to set up a budget so it's clear that they're covering the necessary expenses.

If you feel uncomfortable collecting money from your child, consider setting up an account where they can put money toward a rental deposit or other moving expenses.

The way you distribute these expenses will depend on your situation, but regardless of your finances, you want your child to feel a sense of responsibility to the family while also moving toward independence.

- What is your child expected to contribute?

If your child was anything like my kids, they probably didn't adore doing chores the first time around. Nevertheless, if and when any of my children come back to the nest, I'll expect them to help out with household duties such as cleaning, cooking, laundry, taking out the garbage, etc. Discuss what your child can contribute and be careful you don't fall into a complete caretaker role.

- What are the ground rules?

Obviously, all the rules that applied to your younger child will no longer work when he or she is reaches the 20s. All the more reason to create a new understanding. Things like curfew, when to expect them home for meals, and whether they can host parties will have to be discussed. Mutual consideration is the key.

- Can you help get your child become more financially independent?

Think twice before you bail your child out of any existing debts. Opening your checkbook won't help him or her gain a sense of financial responsibility. The most important issue is teaching your kids to put away the credit cards and live within their means. This is also a good opportunity to teach kids more about budgeting, saving and investing with their future in mind.

Once your child is out of debt, the next step is for him or her to start saving up an emergency fund. They may run into unexpected expenses down the road, such as a health emergency or a major car expense. An emergency fund can help him or her weather the storm of a financial hardship. If your child has an income, encourage him or her to put some money away for retirement in a Roth IRA or a 401(k) - especially if there's a company match.

- Is your kid covered?

Check your insurance coverage. Most health insurance policies won't cover dependents after they leave school or turn 23, so your child may likely need a separate policy.

- How long is long enough?

Some kids need a nudge, others don't. But a timeline can assist in making any transition in or out of the nest easier. In most cases, six to 12 months should be enough time for your child to save enough to live independently.

- Are you jeopardizing your own financial future?

This may seem obvious, but you'd be amazed how many parents put themselves last. My advice is to think carefully about how much you can afford to spend to help your child at this stage of his or her life, and don't exceed it.

Your children have decades to build their financial security, but your retirement may be not too far off. After all, you don't want to turn the tables and later have to depend on them.

Carrie Schwab Pomerantz is Chief Strategist, Consumer Education, Charles Schwab & Co. Inc., Member SIPC. You can e-mail Carrie at askcarrie@schwab.com.

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