Dear Ann Landers: My situation is so clichéd it is pathetic. I feel like an idiot. I am the wife who was the last to know. Friends and family members had been aware for years that my husband was seeing another woman. I found out last month, when his girlfriend confronted me.

My husband had a foul temper, and we fought a lot, but I decided to stay with him until our children were older. I felt a divorce would be very hard on them. When counseling didn't help, I made the best of it. He was not an easy person to live with, but I never suspected he was being unfaithful.

People should not assume that a spouse knows what is going on outside the home. I trusted him completely. I cannot blame those around me for not speaking up, yet something as simple as an anonymous note would have opened my eyes.

The comments made to me recently include: "I thought you would have left him long ago" and "You must have known. Everyone else did." Believe me; I would have thrown the man out if anyone had told me he was cheating. In the past month, I have had to get a lawyer, a therapist and HIV testing. I am angry and disappointed in those who knew but didn't tell me. Although the other woman who finally told me did it to get even with him for dumping her, I am grateful. — The Last To Know in New York

Dear New York: When people ask me, "Should I tell someone when I know he or she is being cheated on?" I always say, "No, because that person invariably knows and chooses not to do anything about it." I still believe that is good advice. A cheating mate always leaves some clues, either wittingly or unwittingly. I believe the clues were there, but deep down, you didn't want to see them.

Dear Ann Landers: I would like to address this to all the young women who, for whatever reason, think having a baby is "cool."

I am the 17-year-old mother of a 4-month-old daughter. I will be the first to tell you it is not easy. And if you think having a baby will improve the relationship between you and your boyfriend, you are wrong. It only will make matters worse. My boyfriend and I called it quits a couple of weeks ago, when the fighting became unbearable. After three years of being very close, it's over.

If I have changed just one teenager's mind about getting pregnant, the time it took to write this letter will have been well worth it. — Been There in Indiana

Dear Indiana: Thanks for the testimony. I hope my teenage readers will pay close attention to what you have written. You are a far better authority on this subject than I am. And P.S. Don't give up without trying counseling with your boyfriend. You have a child now who needs two parents.

Feeling pressured to have sex? How well-informed are you? Write for Ann Landers' booklet "Sex and the Teenager." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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